I’ve always approached being ill with such conflict, frustration, sometimes anger but mostly emotion. As I teach classes this week on using meditation to support reduction in pain and anxiety I get hit with a tummy bug. Throughout this weeks class teachings we bring awareness and focus to the issue. We accept where we are currently at, we acknowledge and respect the associated pain and emotions. We certainly do not get really pissed at ourselves beat ourselves up for letting others down and then delve into a deep feeling of annoyance. Blaming ourselves for the condition.
Hmmm you can guess where I was at. As a coach in both health and overcoming anxiety I still struggle myself with somehow feeling that because these are my roles, It is somehow some kind of failure or reflection on my part that I could ill or anxious. I fail to remember that I am also a human being. Human beings have emotions, feelings, immune systems and periods of discontent.
As a huge supporter of others it is necessary for me to fully honour and support my own healing and self love practices. I discovered on this journey that when I really looked deeply at why I was ill or anxious that it was a cry for help, for support and to be shown that I too need love and healing.
This is a huge statement, realisation and I’d even go as far as to call it a confession to make. It’s a tough one to consider and mull in my mind. I’m not saying that everytime I’m ill or your ill it’s a cry for help but it is definitely a sore one to hear and feel into. Are you feeling supported enough?, Have you taken on too much? Do you feel loved and cherished? Or have you failed to set loving boundaries and overextended your energy and power?
Ouch indeed. When I’d experienced illness before it made time stop for a moment, everything halted and you had to look after yourself and be looked after. But why did it take this to realise that life had got to busy and too stressful? This tends to be when I meet my clients for the first time. Life has gotten too crazy, too much and they are experiencing illness or anxiety. It’s our current society and approaches that causes us to keep pushing, striving and seeking. Never being enough or doing enough. This is where the changes need to be made.
I would get angry and frustrated that I couldn’t do all the things I wanted to, to be the person I longed to be. The pressure to do more and be more continued even whilst ill. When does it stop?
As I lay in bed today pondering all my previous thoughts on illness. The old thought patterns of feeling guilty for not being able to uphold commitments and look after my family and animals crept in. As I drifted in and out of sleep and meditation, I realised that today wasn’t one of those support and love seeking days. I was just ill. No deep soul searching as to why, but just that I was human and had a tummy bug.
Accepting where we are whether that be looking for more support or simply just admitting that we need some time in bed because our body needs to heal. All is ok. If we are seeking support we need to learn to recognise that need before it turns to illness or resentment. We need to communicate that we’d like support or love. If we are only receiving love and support in times of extreme struggle or ill health the balance of life has really tipped. We are not capable of doing it all!
Human beings work best in groups, teams of support. Do you have your tribe of supporters? Being human also means we sometimes get sick or tired and this too is 100 per cent normal. Through sickness and health in the words of rag and bone man. “I’m only human after all”
Love and Live Your Light