How often do we feel pain and really want to dive right into what is causing it? So often we are told or feel we need to dust ourself off, paint a smile on and move forward. What I have learnt through years of anxiety, stress, overwhelm and ill health is that this is seldom a solution. You will never outrun pain, grief or ill health. You need to turn and face that monster head on. When you do you will see love, tears and messages.
Yesterday I posted an emotional video on social media. I didn’t do this for sympathy as I was not sad or seeking solution. I was demonstrating that we all feel emotions. Emotions are our road maps. Anxiety, ill health, overwhelm are all road maps and keys to where we are out of alignment or have something to learn. It is so necessary to feel the pain. To listen to what our heart, mind and body are trying to tell us.
I’m not saying we spend our days wallowing in pain, but what we do is we look at our pain and discomfort with curiosity and love.
For me yesterday I felt pain from growing up rear its head. Pain that I didn’t fit in, wasn’t bright enough, wasn’t good enough, attractive enough. All these B.S. stories running through my head. Pain that I couldn’t accept praise and celebrate my success. I had received feedback on my upcoming book which was incredible. I froze, felt undeserving and wept. Lost in a sea of crazy emotions. Rather than jumping for joy at the feedback I felt that I needed to self-sabotage my success. Who am I to achieve greatness? The real question I should have been asking was Who am I not to achieve greatness?
I spent hours with my husband chatting through all the emotions, delving deep and crying and searching. I felt my chest tight, and body in pain and suffering. I chatted through the success’s I’ve had, I chatted through how I felt the need to study and study and study. I chatted through how I always felt I needed to work harder, that I needed to really earn it, work hard then you will be rewarded. The ridiculous thing was to write my book I truly did work my butt off. Sacrificing and focusing on the end goal. As I approach that end goal the old fear of success and being judged creeps in.
When I hit this hurdle what I usually do is truly focus on others, to serve, to support. I now know my purpose and my purpose is that to serve to heal to guide and provide hope. When I’m doing this I am at peace, it feels right. But what I realised yesterday was this wasn’t big enough. This serving others wasn’t a big enough goal. I had to want success for me.
Goal setting and manifestation are huge parts of my process of achievement. This shit works and its been working super sonic speed for me for the past few years. So fast that I have got overwhelmed with the success of it all. My dream business, dream home, dream lifestyle and my book and coaching taking off. This shit is real! What all this is requiring of me though is to keep up. To work what version of me is now required to this up-levelling. What attributes, what changes do I need to support myself though these epic changes. As your life grows and changes so do we. We cannot hang on to all the old elements of our self that aren’t the same vibration. Yesterday was a real shedding of this old me and my old self depreciating ways. This weekend and later this evening I am going to spend time working out how I want to feel, who I see myself as now and in the future. What is required of me to be the person I wish to be. I cannot feel and enjoy the success if I am punishing myself. It’s time for me to deal with this pain and truly learn from the experience. Time to say good bye to the old and welcome the new joy of success. I can be successful and serve other and feel free, joyous.
Its time to celebrate all of life the big, the small and the inbetween. Mid writing this I had a celebration break. I celebrated the positive feedback of my book, my meditations and the week. I cranked up some Cool and The Gang and busted some moves, ‘Celebrate Good Times, Come On’. Woooooooo Hoooooo. I’m starting the practice of celebrating. Breaking the old patterns. Time to prevent history repeating itself and learn a new me. Time for recognition and joy.
Love and Live Your Light Susi xx